Yesterday I had an appointment at CMH to see the doctor. I’d prepared beforehand and written a letter a) so I wouldn’t forget anything and b) to cover myself in case I couldn’t speak.
The letter covered a few things. Firstly was my new medication. I do think it’s starting to work a little bit now but I’m still concerned that it’s affecting my short term memory. The doctors solution? Up the dosage. I’m not convinced on this one but lets give it a try anyway. Her theory is that depression and anxiety can also affect memory and therefore a higher dose may help. However if it makes it worse they can do a memory test with me and/or scrap the medication altogether and try something different. Time will tell I guess.
I also mentioned in the letter that I wouldn’t be coming back to see anyone at CMH because I don’t like the new case manager. I asked that the doctor not repeat this to her because as much as I don’t like her I also don’t like telling people I don’t like them. It’s the whole confrontation thing. I’m scared they are going to blow up in my face and I wont handle it well.
Anyway, I guess this was another good reason for writing a letter because I knew the new case manager would be in the room with us. I don’t know why its necessary but it’s always been that way. I didn’t mind with my last case manager because I found it helpful having someone else in the room who I trusted, but not with this new one. I tired to be as nice as I could about it in the letter and just said that it’s probably just a personality clash but I didn’t feel comfortable talking to her and that I would come back when someone new started working there.
The doctor asked the case manager if she could leave the room for a bit (which actually helped me talk better without her there) then the doctor told me that she would most likely be here for another few months yet. Sigh. I really thought ‘temporary replacement’ meant just that. I was hoping she’d be gone by now.
The idea of Skype counselling came up again. Now after this was mentioned to me before I went away and did some research of my own. I found a group that does online counselling via email and instant messaging. It was fairly inexpensive and sounded like a system that could work for me. To get started you fill in a survey and they take the results and match you to a counsellor. You’re supposed to get an email back within 24 hours introducing your new counsellor and explaining what the next steps are. That’s not the email I received. The one I got said:
“We understand it takes a tremendous amount of courage to reach out and ask for help. Unfortunately, based on the answers given when you signed up, we determined that online counseling with **** may not be the best option for you.”
Then it dribbled on a bit with some more crap. Basically I was rejected by a counselling service for some unknown reason. Chucked back in the too hard basket again. I wont name this service because I don’t want to give them a bad reputation or anything. I’m sure they are very helpful for some people. It just wasn’t like that for me. I don’t think the Skype counselling will ever come to fruition either. I doubt anyone will follow through with it and I just don’t think it would work for me anyway.
The appointment came to and end and I’ll be seeing the doctor again in March (unless something happens between now and then and I need to see someone sooner) I’m really hoping that other case manager will be on her way out the door by then and I can see someone else. Whoever that might be. Until then I wait in limbo.